A Quick Update 2

                Just over three months into the year, I wrote a post to give all of you A QUICK UPDATE on my life this year.  I’ve been getting a lot of people asking for further updates.  So, I figure now that we’re another quarter into the year, perhaps it’s time for a second one. 

                When we left off, three months ago, I was in the hunt for a new place.  Let me tell you, the search was NOT an easy one… The housing/rental market in Reno is pure insanity at the moment.  I made appointments to go see places the day they went on the market, but by the time I arrived for my appointment (two and a half hours later), the houses were each already rented out. 

                I went to open houses so full of people that I had to stand shoulder to shoulder with strangers.  I’ve never been to a Justin Bieber concert, but I imagine that it would be a similar experience… A bunch of people crammed together, each slightly embarrassed to show their eagerness to get to the front, but not so embarrassed as to not throw an occasional elbow.

                Lucky for me, I did eventually find a place.  I really had to sell myself to the landlords when I met them.  They were looking for a long term tenant, who would be willing to take care of minor repairs on the house on their own.  I pulled out all the stops, laid it on thick, and it certainly helped that I had a great credit score… Eventually I got the house, and the landlord informed me that I beat out 107 other applicants!  The house had only been posted for a week.

                Anyway, I got the place, then the move was the next stage.  I hate moving… I don’t mind helping other people move… but my own stuff?  Terrible.

                I barely did any packing, and very little prepping.  So when moving day finally came, I was very lucky to have some amazing friends who essentially did everything for me.  Couldn’t/Wouldn’t have done it without each of you!  Also, I realized that I have way too much crap…  So there’s still a couple couches and a foosball table in my garage if anyone wants them… As well as some other random stuff.

 

                The new house… I’m still getting used to it.  There’s certain aspects of it that I really like, and other aspects that I really don’t.  The biggest advantage though is that it is right next to a nice park.  I realized that this was a big advantage weeks ago… and now that Pokémon Go is out, I cannot stress enough how amazing it is to have a park that close to my house.  I’m loving it… 

                On to the next update topic… The new job!  Last update I had recently given my two weeks’ notice at my job of seven years, and would be starting a new one soon.  Well the new one has begun, and it’s been wonderful.  I got an amazing new office, some great co-workers, and plenty of diverse work that keeps me engaged and interested.

                At my old job, it became a daily grind.  Corporate wasn’t open to new ideas, so it was simply a matter of doing the same thing, over and over, day in and day out.  I ended up getting so bored with that job that I would play games with myself, like seeing how long I could work with my eyes just slightly crossed before getting a headache.  Or attempting to type out entire emails only to the beat of whichever song was currently stuck in my head. 

                Thankfully, the new job keeps me busy, very busy, and with so much more than just a daily grind.  I’m getting to do new and different things all the time!  It’s pretty great.  And at my last job, I had to wait five years before I got the chance to travel for work at all.  Here, it’s only been a few months and I’ve already got travel arrangements.

                That brings us to the third topic from my last update… my dating life.  Last time I mentioned that I had just been on a couple dates with a girl, and she gave my butterflies in my stomach, and I thought she was special… I was clearly smitten.

Well, it lasted for a little while.  In fact, we had the makings for a fantastic rom com script.  But then real life happened, and soon after everything went to shit.  At first I behaved like a puppy that had just had a shoe thrown at its head and didn’t know why.  So I (figuratively and literally) cowered in the corner for a while, hanging my head in shame. 

Then I tried reaching out (don’t drink and text kids, it’s stupid…) and didn’t get the answer I wanted.  So once again I behaved like a puppy.  This time I acted out, (only figuratively…) knocking over the trash can and peeing on the contents.  My behavior was dumb, and I immediately regretted it.  All I did was add to my already massive pile of embarrassment. 

When it all started, I promised myself that I wasn’t going to go head over heels immediately, like I always do.  But then things happened, and my promises went right out the window.  So I went head over heels, and landed face first on the pavement.

After my childish behavior, I hoped to keep things amicable, so that we could at least remain on speaking terms; but apparently it’s too little too late.  Now that I look back on everything, there were warning signs early on that I, of course, ignored.  I would say that I’ve learned my lesson, and that next time I’ll pay attention to those signs before I get burned.  But let’s face it… I won’t.

It’s very rare that I meet someone I genuinely like in that way, so when it happens, I fall hard and I fall fast.  I am Ted Mosby.  I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I occasionally act like a child.  That’s just me… deal with it… or don’t.  Needless to say, the butterflies are gone, though I still think she's special and I wish her the best.

In other news, I haven’t been sleeping well again, for about the last two months… Not being able to fall asleep, then waking up again and again once I do finally get there.  Sometimes I hate my brain and I wish I could read it my favorite bed time story… (GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP)

And as a final note, to wrap this update up, let’s talk about Pokémon Go.  It’s so incredibly addicting.  Yes, for those of you who are disgusted by this fad, I play it, and I’m quite proud of that fact.  It’s a throwback to one of my favorite things from childhood, and frankly it makes for a fun escape from an otherwise stressful life. 

So if you want to judge me for playing it, go right ahead, I don’t care.  It’s fun… You do still remember what “fun” is, right?  It may be childish, but I feel it’s important not to ever let go of the kid inside us. 

When we were kids we all saw the world through lenses of wonder and magic, and it was that world that made us dream big.  We weren’t dreaming of being mid-level management at an accounting firm, or fantasizing about getting a reserved parking spot at the office… We wanted to be heroes, we wanted to be marine biologists (even though we had no idea what that really meant), and we wanted to have fun every day of our lives. 

For me at least, Pokémon Go taps into that.  To see those characters that I loved, come to life in the real world… to see so many people my own age, running around parks with the same goofy grin on their faces… and most of all, to remember, even if only for a moment, what it was like to dream big… Those are the things that are making this game so addicting for me.

That, and my gym loyalty… Go Team Yellow!

As one last note, I’ve never wanted to download a dating app of any kind.  I feel like they are a huge contributing factor to the degradation of romance in my generation (that’s a topic for a future blog).  They’re terrible.  However, I have met and seen plenty of very attractive women playing Pokémon Go now.  And I have a built in ice breaker… I’m somewhat considering using this game as a dating app.  Besides, then I know we have something in common already, and that she is still in touch with her inner child, which is nice.

Who knows?  It could work… unless she’s on Team Red.... that's unforgivable. 

An Introduction to Mallowing...

                This blog is rated PG-13 due to mild cartoon violence.

                Today I want to talk to you about stress relief.  We’ve all had those days, weeks, or months where no matter what we do, nothing seems to go right… Maybe it’s because of work, maybe you’re in the middle of a move, perhaps money is tight, you’ve got family problems, or you’re planning a wedding.  For my part, I’ve had a stressful couple of months.  A new job, a move that ended up being more difficult than I expected, and in the last couple of weeks, a tendency to put my foot in my mouth so often I’ve started to see Nike swooshes on everything I eat. 

                Whatever the case, sometimes you need to just take the edge off…

Now, since the stress has set in, I’ve tried all kinds of different methods of stress relief… I’ve drank far too much, I’ve begun exercising again (I walked at least 5 miles every day last week).  I’ve been re-reading one of my favorite books, and you may have noticed that I’ve been writing more, a lot more.  However, through all of that, I hadn’t partaken in the greatest stress relief method of all time, not yet, not until just the other day…

I introduce you to!.... Mallowing!!

The name derives from a cat that was at the SPCA for quite a while when I worked there.  His name was Marshmallow and he was awesome.  Why we named it after him?  Who knows?

Let me give you a little tutorial, with pictures!

Ingredients:

A table or some other sort of stand, in a wide open space.

Plenty of water bottles, filled as full as you can possibly get them, so there is no air in them (or at least only a tiny amount). 

A Sharpie.

A baseball bat, or something similar (the fabled Mallower itself is the haft of an old pickaxe, without the head).

 

Step one:

Use the Sharpie to draw little angry or sad faces on the lids of the bottles.

This is done so that you can focus on that little bit of unhappiness. 

Step two:

Pick one bottle at a time, set it up, away from the others, in prime hitting real-estate.

Step three:

Wind up… I don’t necessarily mean just winding up physically, though that’s somewhat important too.  What I mean is to wind up mentally and emotionally. 

Whatever it is that is bothering you, eating away at you, depressing you, or stressing you out; focus all of that negative energy on that little unhappy face.  Take all of the things weighing on your mind and picture yourself pouring them in to that little, unhappy bottle.  All of your fear, your anger, your shame, it IS the water in that bottle, and if you don’t get rid of it, it’ll just find its way back into your mind.

Step 4:

Swing baby swing!  Keep your eye on the bottle, so you don’t miss.  But swing with all of your emotion behind it.  Hit that bottle as hard as you can and send it flying!

Since you filled it up so full, there is very little room (air) for the water to expand into.  Therefore, the bottle has a tendency to break… but that’s putting it mildly.  If you’re really putting all of your emotion into that swing, then that bottle will explode.  Case in point…

(Those two pictures were of the same bottle)

Sometimes the bottle will break open, and other times that little unhappy face will break in two…

Step 5:

Repeat until you either feel better, or you have run out of bottles.

Some of you may have already realized that this is a beginner’s course.  Mallowing lends itself to all kinds of possibilities!  Have a melon that is just going to waste in the fridge?  Want to see what happens when you shake up a Red Bull and hit it real hard?  Or a Coke with Mentos in it?  Feel free to experiment…

That being said, if you want some more assistance in simply picturing all of your negative energy in the bottle, try adding a drop or two of food coloring, or writing a phrase that has been particularly irksome to you on the bottle.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the world of Mallowing.  Enjoy!  

In Five Years Time

                A few times earlier this year I was asked, “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”  I was caught off guard and ended up giving some less than mediocre answer, both times.  Afterward, I went home and I thought about it more…

                The vague answers that I had given implied a lack of ambition, or at the very least a lack of planning.  So, now that I’ve had a few months to think on the question, I think I’m finally ready to give an answer.  It may not be the answer that you’re looking for, it most likely isn’t the answer that the person who asked me was looking for… Hell, for that matter, I’m not even positive that it’s the answer that I was hoping for.  It is however, the only answer I have…

                 Where do I want to be in five years?

                In five years I want to own a home.  And I’d prefer that it not be a “starter home”.  In five years I want to own the house that I’ll be living in for a good portion of my life.  I may not live there forever, but I want it to be more than something to fix up and then turn around and sell a few years later.  I want to get to know my neighbors.  I want to invite people from the neighborhood over for a barbeque in the summer and a turkey dinner in the winter.  I want a yard, with plants, fruit trees, and a small garden.  In five years, I want to own a home, not a house. 

                In five years I want to have financial security.  I’m not saying that I want to be rich, or never have to worry about money again.  I’m simply saying that I want to have enough income that I know I don’t have to wonder whether or not I’m going to be able to pay my bills on time.  I want to have enough income that I can set aside a bit of money to pursue my dreams, to travel, to have hobbies.  Financial security, to me, doesn’t mean being Oprah rich.  It means exactly what it says, have enough money that I can feel a sense of security and stability in my life.  That’s what I want in five years. 

                In five years I want to actually be writing.  Not these blog posts, and not the starts and stops that I so frequently do; getting 15 pages into a story, then never looking at it again.  I want to be seriously writing.  Whether it’s more than a hobby at that point or not, doesn’t matter.  I enjoy the feeling of creating worlds, creating life, and placing the beauty of it all on the page.  I want to help other people see the power of language and imagination.  I want to make people think, I want to make them feel emotions.  I want to move people to laughter and to tears.  In five years, I want to show people the immensity and the majesty of the world though language.

                In five years I want to have submitted an audition tape for Survivor.  Whether I get on or not is another matter, and frankly not as important.  I know it seems silly to most of you, and maybe it is, to an extent.  I think for my sake, I just want to prove that I can follow through on something that I’ve always wanted to do.  In five years I want to have finally reached for that one dream, even if it’s only to prove to myself that I can reach for any of my dreams.

                In five years I want to have traveled more.  I want to have gone to Scotland, Australia, back to Alaska, maybe even to Borneo to meet an Orangutan (since Terry Pratchett died, I’ve been looking in to Orangutans… they’re really quite amazing).  I don’t want to go just to go.  I don’t want to go through the usual tourist traps.  I want to go for the stories.  I want to go off the beaten path and see things that will change me.  I want to experience life in someone else’s world, even if only for a moment.  In five years I want my world to have grown.

                In five years I want to be in love.  I want to be with someone who makes me smile simply by being present.  I want to have someone to share my life with.  I want someone to take dancing, someone to watch bad movies with; someone who, when they’re having a bad day, I can make them feel better just by holding them.  I want someone who will laugh at my terrible jokes and someone who will tell me when I do something stupid, then be there to help me fix it.  I want to be with someone who wants to understand me and who wants to, every once in a while, see the world through my eyes, while also wanting to show me the world through theirs.  I want to be able to cook a nice dinner for someone every Tuesday, because Tuesdays are the worst day of the week and we should have something to look forward to.  In five years, I don’t want to be alone.

                All of these things that I want, all of these hopes, plans, and dreams for five years’ time… will all of these be fulfilled?  No… of course not.  But all of them have one common theme.  That’s what I realized while thinking about this question.  The next time someone asks me that, I could give any one of these answers, or something more professional, or maybe something vague and unsatisfying again.  No matter how I choose to answer it in the future, I’ll know the one thing that I’ll always want… You could take away any or all of the hopes I listed above, as long as you left me with this one…

                In five years, I want to be happy.

                It’s a simple request, and yet at the same time it’s so damned complicated.  When I was a child I thought, “It’s easy to be happy, you just decide to be and then you are!”  Unfortunately, somewhere along the way, that changed.  Happiness is fleeting, it’s rare, and it shows up in one aspect of life just to abandon you in another.  It’s a challenge.  It’s difficult.  And yet, it may be the only goal truly worth striving for, because every other goal is just a step toward this one.

                Like I said at the beginning, this isn’t the answer you were expecting, and probably isn’t what you were hoping to find.  I’m sure it’s not what the person asking me the question wanted to hear.  But when I asked myself the question, this is the answer I came up with, and I don’t care what anyone else wants to hear, because this is the best answer I have.

                So, ask yourself… Where do want to be in five years?

A Reminder

           It’s been a while since I posted anything.  This year has been insane, a lot of changes, all at once.  It’s been wonderful!  But also incredibly stressful.  I’ve missed writing these posts, they tend to help me relax, they allow me to get things off my mind and on to paper instead…

                

           The last few years I had fallen in to a routine.  The same house, the same job, the same schedule, the same everything, day after day after day after day.  As I’ve documented on here a few times, that sameness and that routine didn’t help my mental state very much, I needed some change… Well, now that the change has come, life is moving pretty fast, and changing along with my life, is my state of mind. 

                

           I’m not saying that everything is great.  I’m not saying that introducing some change to my life has suddenly caused the sun to start shining, the birds to be singing, and for chimney sweeps to be dancing on roof tops…

With all this change comes a different mental state.  I can’t quite explain it yet.  It’s not bad, but it’s not always good either.  It’s kind of like the power flickering during a storm; the lights are on, everything’s fine, then suddenly for just a couple seconds (or a day or two), everything goes dark.  The lights come back on quickly, but there’s still that question, “what if they don’t?”

Ultimately, these are my issues, they don’t concern any of my readers, and they are certainly problems that I have learned how to handle.  I’m not writing this blog just for me and my neuroses today.  I’m writing it for those of you out there who may need a reminder.

For those of you whose lives have fallen into a routine that spirals downward with no end in sight, or for those of you who feel like you have so much going on that you can’t breathe.  This post is for you. 

Everyone has times when they struggle.  Maybe life feels stagnant and you just want some change, something to spark in your life.  Or maybe you’re at the opposite end of the spectrum and you feel the demands of the world closing in, overwhelming you, and you simply need a break. 

I’m not an expert, and chances are that I don’t know how to help you specifically.  Maybe though, all you need is a reminder… A reminder to:

Try something new.  I know it can be scary, but breaking out of your comfort zone can give you the opportunity to experience something you never would have thought possible.  Each of our lives are full of limitless opportunities, but we sometimes allow ourselves to believe that how things are now, is the only way they can ever be.  We tell ourselves stories and convince ourselves that the job/relationship/home/routine that we are currently in is the only one we could reasonably be in for some reason or another… but it’s not true.  Break the mold, do something new, something that scares you, even if it’s something small.  It may lead to greater things than you realize.

Take time to do the things that make you happy.  When our lives get busy and hectic, it’s easy to let the little things, the things that we don’t view as “essential”, fall in to obscurity.  We shove them aside and say “tomorrow, next week, some other time”.  But those little things, those things we don’t think are important, they’re what make us smile and provide us with an escape, no matter how temporary.  Even though they may seem like a waste of valuable time, don’t forget that your happiness is just as valuable, if not more.

Just breathe.  Life can overwhelm us in an instant, and other times it happens slowly, over years.  When it seems like all is lost, when it seems like there is no end in sight, don’t forget to take time to just breathe.  Go outside, go alone, and let go of it all, even if only for a moment. 

Lean on the people who are there for you.  Your friends, your family, whomever it may be, there are people in your life that care, and that want to help.  Maybe they don’t know how to say it, maybe they assume you know they’re there, or maybe neither of you wants to be the one to speak up.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help, you may not always get it, but it won’t hurt to ask.  Sometimes all you need is someone to listen to you, and I promise that if you ask, there will be someone there for that. 

Take one step at a time.  Nothing will be fixed overnight.  If you try to solve everything at once and in one fell swoop, you’re only adding to your stress.  I know this may not be what you want to hear, but chipping away at your problems, little by little, is far more effective than balling up everything bothering you and trying to get rid of it all at once. 

Never give up.  I've felt hundreds of times (and still do occasionally) that I'd be better off if I scrapped everything and retreated into a life of quiet solitude.  Sometimes I just want to retreat from one part of life; work, home, friends, finances, etc. Other times I want to leave it all behind and start somewhere new with a clean slate.  But it won't work... that retreat is what the monsters under my bed and in my head want.  As annoying/painful/frivolous as all the little things and connections may seem at the moment, they are the only things that have ever truly pulled anyone out of a downward spiral. So don't run away, don't retreat inside yourself and think that this will pass on its own.  Always strive, no matter how arduous that journey may seem.

                To summarize, we all need reminders now and again, myself most certainly included.  So remember:

Try something new

                Who knows what it could lead to?

Take time to do the things that make you happy

                No matter how small they may seem, they’re important.

Breathe

                With each breath, the world will slow down for you.

Lean on the people that are there for you

                There are people that care, and they may surprise you.

Take one step at a time

                When climbing a mountain, one step at a time is more effective than trying to jump over the whole thing.

Never give up

                Running from your problems will never solve them, they’ll just follow you in some way.

A Quick Update

                At the beginning of this year I didn’t exactly make a new year’s resolution.  Instead I promised myself that I would keep an open mind, and enjoy life as it happened to me.  I didn’t want to try to force my life in to a specific direction; instead I wanted to be sure that I kept it moving forward, no matter what that entailed.

                Now that we’re a few months into the year, I’m happy to report that this pseudo-resolution seems to be the most successful one I’ve ever made!  The last couple of months have been absolutely insane, but in a great way.

                I’ve begun the search for a new place to live, with the goal of being out of this house (which I’ve been in for the last seven years) by the beginning of June.  I’ve considered buying a house and have talked to a mortgage lender and a couple realtors in regards to that thought.  However, after looking at what I could be approved for and the housing market in Reno as it is now, I’m fairly certain I’m going to find a place to rent for another year, and reconsider buying next year.  Nonetheless, I’m excited about the prospect of a new place.  I’ve loved this house for the last seven years, but a change of scenery would be welcome.

                Secondly, I’ve been thinking of leaving my job for years now, wanting to find something new… That time has finally come around.  I gave my two weeks’ notice not too long ago, and will start my new job around the middle of this month. 

                It’s a great opportunity, and as scary as it is to leave a job where I had so much job security, it’s a prospect that I just can’t pass up.  There will be new networking opportunities, chances to grow professionally, and to really expand my horizons in order to find out more of what I’m capable of.  So although I’m nervous, it’s a very good and exciting kind of nervousness coursing through me at the moment.

                Finally, I’ve gone on a couple dates that I’ve really enjoyed.  At this point I’m going to be a little quiet on the subject... on the off chance that she reads this, I’ll be a tad embarrassed.  Still, I feel I should say something, because it's certainly worth mentioning...

This is the first time in years that someone has given me that old, schoolyard feeling of butterflies in my stomach.  Not to mention that I get a big, dumb grin plastered onto my face after every time I see her. 

On top of that, I so far seem to have avoided lodging my foot firmly in my mouth; and have somehow kept myself from revealing that I’m about as smooth as Michael J. Fox wearing a wing-suit in a hurricane.  No matter what happens from this point on, those things have all got to be good signs for my future. 

    

To summarize this quick update, my decision at the beginning of the year, to simply act on the opportunities that life presents me in 2016, has thus far been a wise one.  These past couple of months have certainly kept me on my toes, but they’ve been great.  So I’ll enjoy these changes as I look forward to the rest of the year.

I hope that some of you have been having a similar experience and that, no matter what, you’re keeping yourselves open to the chances that life presents you.  Not everything will turn out perfectly, but if you keep an open mind, you can see the good and the bad and make your decisions accordingly.

As a quick ending note, it may be due in large part to daylight savings time, or the nice weather (or possibly my Fitbit subtly blinking in order to encourage me to get up and do something), but I’ve been getting out and hiking more lately.  The weather is wonderful, and (assuming you’re in Reno as you read this) we live in a beautiful place for getting outside.  So go for a hike, a run, ride a bike, whatever suits you… and maybe we’ll see each other floating down the river soon.