52 Glimpses Inside My Stream of Consciousness

     Sometimes it helps me to just start writing my stream of consciousness.  Any thought that pops in to my head, I write it down.  This time I figured, "why not edit it a bit and then post it?"  This is the finished product.

     Also, if you're wondering why "52", there's no special reason, that's just where I stopped.  However, you can go ahead and believe it's in honor of #52, Clay Matthews, if you like.

I talk to myself (everyone does it, just admit it).  When I talk to myself while making/drinking coffee, I replace the word “coffee” with “Koffing”, the name/sound of the villainous Pokémon so heavily featured in my childhood television habits.  I even say it in the character’s voice.

I’m obsessed with stories and storytelling.  So much so that I have occasionally tried to shape my own life in to a hand-crafted story, rather than allowing it to simply play itself out.  Frequently I take this too far.  I wait to make any decision in my life until I feel like the narrative running through my head demands action. 
I won’t make a move professionally unless I’m convinced that the move will provide a nice plot twist.  I won’t ask someone out or make a flirtatious move until the moment feels like the climax of a sappy Rom-com or a John Hughes movie. 
By the time I feel like the right moment has come along, I’ve usually waited too long and I end up angry with myself.

I’m terrified of motorcycles.

My favorite color is grey; one reason why is because of the symbolism of the color in regards to the moral ambiguity of life in our world.  The other reason is because a grey background tends to make other colors appear more vibrant and more beautiful.  A third, albeit distant, reason is because of the Counting Crows song, “Me and Mr. Jones”.

I have Alice In Wonderland Syndrome; when I was younger I actually enjoyed it, it didn’t seem to have any negative effects and the change in my vision was fun.  For most of my life I figured it was a regular occurrence that happened to everyone.  It’s only recently that I’ve discovered that is not the case (and that it’s called the Alice In Wonderland Syndrome, what a cool name…). 
Typically it’s a childhood thing that people grow out of, I haven’t yet.  And now, as I get older, the changes in my vision are accompanied by migraines… it’s not so fun anymore.  I’ve never mentioned it to a doctor or anything, so I suppose it isn’t officially confirmed.  Still, I experience it on a regular basis, I’ve now read all about it online, and if someone put in on line, it must be true… right?!

I’m fascinated with religion, I always have been.  I’ve read about it and studied it for most of my life now.  I’m not talking about one specific religion, all of them are remarkable to me.  I own copies of most of the primary religious texts, I haven’t read all of them front to back, but have read plenty of passages from all of them. 
During all these years of my fascination, I have developed very definitive ideas of my own in regards to what I believe, but it’s extremely rare that I share that information with anyone.  More importantly, my time spent trying to understand the world’s religions has given me a great level of acceptance and tolerance toward other people’s beliefs.

Despite the fact that I love to write and that I have a relatively large vocabulary, I suck at rhyming.  That’s the main reason that I haven’t written any poetry in over ten years.

I wear a ring on my pinky.  When people ask why, I legitimately don’t have an answer.  I started wearing it a long time ago because it was a gift from a friend.  I simply never stopped wearing it.

The sound of a phone ringing while no one answers it is a huge pet-peeve of mine.

I don’t like large crowds because I don’t like people touching me, whether it’s on accident or on purpose.  However, handshakes are perfectly fine, and I love to give hugs.  I don’t know why a hug is perfectly acceptable for me, but an incidental brush against my shoulder is an anxiety inducing event.

On a related note, I love wide-open spaces.  Too many buildings or enclosed spaces give me anxiety after a while.

I legitimately think women are more attractive without makeup than they are with it.  A woman waking up in the morning with no makeup on, bedhead, and wrinkled pj’s tends to be more attractive to me than if she were dressed to the nines with immaculate hair and makeup.

Both pictures are great, but the left is certainly better.

I love the scent and even the taste of pine, and I’d like to find a way to incorporate it into some recipes.

When I was little, I used to make myself peanut butter and cheese sandwiches.  Now that I’m an adult, I’m tempted to try them again… maybe I was on to something…

I used to be able to be happy on a regular basis when I was alone with my own thoughts.  Somewhere along the way that changed.  I got to a point where I was only happy when I was talking to or spending time with friends and/or loved ones.  However, over the last few years, I feel as if this is changing once more, and I’m able to find some measure of happiness when I’m on my own again. 
I attribute this change in part to my trips to the Sasquatch! Music Festival over the last three years.  I’m writing about all of it in a longer piece set up in a sort of trilogy format.  However, due to the personal nature of the writing, I’m most likely not going to let anyone read it for quite some time.

I constantly day dream.  I have one particular day dream that is my favorite, and I keep going back to it every day for years now, it’s like a well that’s filled with a feeling rather than water.  The feeling is the same one I used to get when I was a child and I would tie a blanket around my shoulders and run around like a superhero, I believe the scientific name for the feeling is, “bad-assiness”. 
The day dream is one where I have certain abilities, sort of a mix of three comic book characters (The Darkness, The Tattooed Man, and Tom Taylor).  In it I can travel between any fictional worlds that I care to, and I have tattoos that can jump off my skin and become real.  So I travel between fictions, helping people, and I tattoo their best weapons and such on myself for future use.  Also, I befriend the smoke monster from LOST because, why not?

I never feel like it’s officially summer until I get a mild sunburn.  Then I use the memory of how stupid that is to remind myself to wear sunscreen for the rest of the summer.  I feel like there’s a flaw somewhere in this strategy, I just can’t seem to find it…

I really want someone to do a reboot of the Animorphs series.

I think that Aquaman’s ability to communicate with sea-life is an extremely underrated ability and that comics writers are missing out on an opportunity to have a hero who can communicate similarly with ALL animals… (I’m not incredibly up on current comic lore, there may be a character like this that I don’t know about.)

I enjoy trying to figure out how I would defend any random building that I’m in against a medieval siege or a zombie attack.

People that follow an ideology, a mindset, or a political party simply because it’s currently the social norm or just because they were raised that way, worry me.  Blind devotion to a cause isn't something we should be ok with.  I feel like we should all be able to give full explanations as to why we do what we do and why we think the way we think.  People that can give me those explanations make me happy, even if their views conflict with mine.

Many of my favorite movies directly involve the writing of stories (The Brothers Bloom, Stranger Than Fiction, Finding Forester, etc.)

Writing is the only way I’m comfortable expressing myself or conveying emotion.  I’m not all that good at sitting down and discussing things.  I feel like this is because the voice that I know as my own is the voice in my head, and it prefers to leave my head via my fingers and a keyboard or pen and paper.  When I open my mouth to actually speak, that voice, with all of my thoughts, suddenly gives me the silent treatment and I’m left to forget what I was about to say or to say something stupid.  When I’m in a conversation like that I feel like I’m wearing a blindfold while stumbling through a verbal minefield.

I still remember growing a bean stalk for a class project when I was a little kid.  When I accidentally killed the plant, I cried, profusely. 

I tend to cry more at weddings than I do at funerals.  I’m not sure why that is.

I’m developing a celebrity crush on the lead singer of PHOX… she’s such a fox.

I love puns.

Despite my PHOX-y new crush, I don’t often give in to celebrity “worship” (for lack of a better word).  I’ve seen celebrities before, in NYC, in LA, even just on the road.  I don’t care, they’re just people.  Sure, maybe they can do something that I can’t and that earns them a spot in the limelight, but that really doesn’t matter to me, they don’t impress me… usually.  I’ll admit that there is a small handful of celebrities that I would be thrilled to meet.

I sometimes get the feeling that I’m in a Truman Show scenario.  I know that’s silly, but every once in a while I talk to my bathroom mirror just in case there’s a camera on the other side and someone is watching.

I’m really looking forward to the next season of Doctor Who.  I feel like, if the writers give him some good material to work with, Peter Capaldi has the potential to surpass David Tennant and become my favorite Doctor thus far.  However, I think I need to watch more of the old ones in order to fully justify that opinion.

I re-watch Battlestar Galactica at least once a year, usually more.  The same goes for Scrubs and Firefly.

Someday I want to get into Mensa.  Just to prove I can.

I realize that I’m a lot less mature than I sometimes think I am.  Also, I feel like if I have this same thought periodically throughout the rest of my life, then I’m doing something right.  I don’t want to reach the end of my growth and the end of my maturity until I reach the end of everything.

I love to sing, and while I know that I can sing without any other vocal accompaniment (i.e. without my ipod or at least someone singing harmony), I usually freeze when the opportunity presents itself.  I feel like it’s for the same reason that I sometimes freeze during conversations; the voice in my head shuts up and I forget what to say.

I sometimes get upset that people don’t seem to fully comprehend me.  Then I realize that I don’t often share much about myself, and that may be a contributing factor to people’s lack of comprehension. 

I believe that humans can make some amazing art, whether that’s paintings, sculpture, or architecture, yet as beautiful as it may be, it will never be able to compare to the beauty found in nature.  I believe the same goes for writing and stories.  As amazing and as beautiful as some written stories may be, they’ll never be able to compare to life in the natural world. 

Music is the one art form that I believe humanity has the advantage in.  As wonderful as birdsong and the sound of waves can be, good music can make me feel like no other sound ever has.

I sometimes miss having someone to talk to whenever I feel like I need to talk something out.  I’ve tried to force that level of relationship with other people in the last couple of years, but it just doesn’t feel right.  Recently though I’ve been opening up more to my mom and that feels good.

I love sour things, and I will eat a whole lemon if the mood strikes me.  And yes, I know that’s terrible for my teeth.

The best candy has peanut butter in it.  This isn’t an opinion, it’s a fact.

The only times I refer to Levi by his name anymore are when I’m talking about him with someone else, or when he’s in trouble.  When it’s just he and I and he’s NOT in trouble, then I usually refer to him with a random assortment of the following four words: booger, face, silly, butt.  He responds well.

Cinnamon Buns is my new favorite flavor of Ben and Jerry’s.  Which is strange, because I’m actually not a huge fan of real cinnamon buns.

When I write the word “beautiful” (which is fairly often), I always sound it out in my head the exact way Jim Carrey does in Bruce Almighty… B E A Utiful…

I was very disappointed with the way LOST ended.  Though I think most of that disappointment stemmed from the work that I had put in to my extensive theories about what should could have happened.  Now enough time has passed that I can appreciate LOST for what it is, a mediocre show that has its moments, and is a good space filler in between re-watches of Battlestar Galactica, Scrubs, and Firefly.

I’m attracted to strong women.  Not necessarily physically strong (though that doesn’t hurt), but rather an inner strength.  Ambition, independence, and the courage to go after your dreams are all extremely attractive traits.  I’m not saying they’re necessary for me to be attracted to someone, but they’ll certainly get my attention.

Perfect example: Emma Watson giving a speech on HeForShe in front of the UN...

Big, close, Steve-Martin-movie type families scare me a bit.  I’m not used to that, and I’m not sure how to act when I’m around them.

I occasionally worry about the inevitable rise of the machines.  I keep an eye out for anything resembling Skynet or cylons… just in case.

I’m fairly proud of my Sautéed Porkchop recipe.  It’s really simple and really good, but I don’t think I’ve ever made it for anyone other than myself.

I sometimes have a tendency to finish people’s thoughts for them when I talk to them.  I don’t mind it when people do it to me, but I get the feeling that other people don’t appreciate it at times… I think I ought to try watching out for that.

I love poorly written, big budget action movies such as Transformers and the Fast and Furious series.  They don’t require a ton of thought, but damn they’re entertaining.

I’ve struggled with low self-confidence my entire life.  Due to plenty of introspection over the last couple of years, I think I’ve finally come to terms with it and its causes.  I’m not going to share the reasons for the low self-confidence, it’s my baggage, I can handle it.  I do think that I’m getting better about it though, and starting to gain some confidence in myself, slowly.

Former Disney channel stars all look the same to me at some point in their careers.  Those few years where they just start to show up on the tabloids that I read in the grocery store line, those are the years that they are indiscernible to me.  Before that point in their careers, I don’t even know they exist.  After that point is when they either become functional adults or fully fledged psychopaths, and at that point I can tell who each one is.

I'm incredibly jealous of anyone that has had the privilege of going to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter.  I REALLY want to go at some point.

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