A Tribute to Sir Terry Pratchett

""All right," said Susan. "I'm not stupid. You're saying humans need... fantasies to make life bearable."

REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.

"Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little--"

YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.

"So we can believe the big ones?"

YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.

"They're not the same at all!"

YOU THINK SO? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET -- Death waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME... SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED.

"Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what's the point--"

MY POINT EXACTLY."

- Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

On March 12^th, 2015 Sir Terry Pratchett died.  For those of you who don’t know of him, he was the author of over 70 books.  He was labeled primarily as a fantasy writer that used a heavy dose of humor.  He died at the age of 66 from a rare form of early onset Alzheimer’s.  He was an inspiration to millions and he was the one who made me want to start writing. 

The work that he is best known for is his Discworld series.  It’s a series of over 40 books set in a world where magic governs the laws of physics, where dwarves and trolls fight each other over imagined slights from centuries earlier.  It’s a world where Death speaks in ALL CAPS and rides a pale horse (named Binky).  Most notably it is a world that is flat and shaped like a disk that rests on the backs of four elephants that stand on the back of a giant turtle named Great A’Tuin. 

The truly remarkable thing about the Discworld is that despite all of the qualities that tend to scare off anyone not interested in fantasy (i.e. not realistic enough, not interested in reading about werewolves and dragons, etc.), he has somehow made this world of his just as poignant and just as real as the world we live in. 

The Discworld isn't a farce existing only to allow readers a place to waste time in a world wholly unlike our own.  It’s a mirror held up to the face of our world.  While it may be a funhouse mirror, that doesn’t mean that the images it shows us are any less true.  It accentuates the flaws in us as human beings and brings in to focus the warts on the soul of humanity that we may have otherwise overlooked. 

Terry Pratchett took the worst of our world and showed it to us.  He took those things that frighten us, such as racism, war, death, football (soccer), and our desperate greed for power, and he made us laugh at them. 

He proved to us that our flaws shouldn't be hidden and covered up.  He told us in no uncertain terms that the only way we can better ourselves and the world around us is to acknowledge our horrors, our blemishes, and our evils.  Acknowledge them and face them together, armed with that which is the best in each of us; our love, our courage, and our humor (also, a half-brick in a sock can come in handy). 

                Terry Pratchett had the wisest sense of humor that I have ever witnessed.  He laughed at the world, at life, and most of all at himself.  His jokes were weapons to him; they’re how he dealt with the pain that he perceived in the world.  He taught me that funny and serious are not opposites.  He showed me that just because something is painful or scary, just because it’s a problem that needs solving, doesn't mean that it can’t be laughed at. 

                He did his best to show the world that it is okay to laugh at any time in life, and that at the hardest of times it’s not only okay, but perhaps necessary.  His humor was a flamethrower that he used to light up the darkness. 

                Still, he continued to be widely pigeonholed as a fantasy writer, and thus ignored by too many around the world.  I know it’s strange to say that one of the most prolific and awarded writers of our time was largely ignored, but in many ways it’s true.  The fact that his books were filled with dragons and “Wizzard(s)” sidelined him in the minds of many readers who just aren't in to fantasy (Game of Thrones being the exception).  Likewise many critics gave credit for his success to his wit so much more so than his wisdom and thus his lessons didn't reach quite as many as perhaps they should have.

                Many people who have encountered him, or who have only read his work in passing have portrayed him later as a jovial, lighthearted man that viewed the world through a haze of laughter.  Personally I don’t believe that to be the case.  I think Sir Terry saw the world for what it is; a ball of well-organized chaos. 

He witnessed the pain and the troubles of the world, everything from religious persecution to slavery and the dehumanization of others.  He did his best to bring these troubles to light, to force those not currently faced with them to become so.  He did all of this while providing us, his audience, with armor forged of his own sense of humor, so that we may feel the sting of the chaos of life, but we could protect ourselves all the same.

I don’t believe that he viewed the world around him through his humor; I think he allowed the pain in the world to hurt him.  He met the evils in the human soul and he invited them in for tea so that he could get to know them better.  He did it so that he could put them on display for the rest of the world to laugh at. 

He wasn’t a jovial man, he was passionate, he was furious, and he was zealous in his love for humanity.  He was a very funny man, with a wonderful sense of humor, but just like Robin Williams, his humor was not his greatest strength; his passion for life and his vehement search for wisdom were more vital to his persona than anything.  They were simply overshadowed in the eyes of many by the mountain of his wit and charm.

The passion that Terry had for life filled his books and bled in to my mind through his words and the pages of Discworld.  I’ve never learned so much from one person as I have from him.  He inspired me to face life and to study it.  He encouraged me to learn what I could of the pain in the world and to find a way to laugh at it.  He taught me that it’s okay to let the darkness inside and to shake hands with humanity’s demons.  He then taught me that my greatest weapons against those very same monsters are my love, and my humor, and that through those I could find the courage to continue to face that darkness.

Perhaps the most important lesson that Sir Terry taught me was that of the power of words.  In the Discworld, words can have actual power (in the magical sense), but the most powerful words are those that come from the heart.  He showed me that no words (even those used in a spell) have nearly the same level of power as the words spoken from the soul or those written with passion and love. 

It was this lesson that had the greatest impact on me.  The idea that a few words could change the world has been the driving force behind my desire to write.  He inspired me to feel everything that I can in the world and to put it down in words so that I can make some sense of it all.

Some people have already written about him since his death, in posts and articles much like this one, calling him a hero for the lessons he taught us all.  However, I think he would agree with me when I say that he was many things; an inspiration, a wise-man, a jester, a teacher, and an enthusiast of life, but he was no hero.  He was a man, a human being.  He had his flaws as we all do, and he knew it better than most of us.

To call someone a hero dehumanizes them, it puts them above the rest of us and accentuates their strengths while diminishing their blemishes.  I don’t believe he would want that.  He never saw himself like that, he was just a person, doing what he believed needed to be done, and doing it to the best of his ability.  To take away his faults seems to be unfair to a man who so passionately believed in equality for all (except mimes).

Instead, I’ll end this tribute by reiterating that he was an inspiration to me.  He taught me much about this world and about life, but most of all he ignited within me a burning passion for the written word.  For that and for every other lesson he taught me, as well as for every laugh and every tear he moved me to, I will forever be grateful.  I will do my best to honor his memory by allowing my passion to shine through the words that I write every day.

"No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away..." - Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man

My Life is Cinema (Part 1)

                Life is a story.  It’s made up of a beginning, middle, and an end.  At the same time, each part of it is made up of smaller stories, which in turn are made up of even smaller ones.  Our society and culture, everything outside of the biological that makes us human, is made up of stories.  Whether the stories are fact or fiction is really neither here nor there, what are important are the stories themselves. 

                We are stories.  They are the material that makes up our past and our future; they are the building blocks of our souls, and our passions.  Every experience in your life builds upon the previous ones, each small segment, a story in and of itself, stacking on top of the one before it to make one longer, fuller, more engrossing tale. 

                You can view this metaphor in any way that you want: each story a brick in the building of a house, each life-event words on a page in an endless set of encyclopedias, every moment of your life a drop of water in a river rushing out to sea, etc.  My personal favorite is to imagine my life as a movie, each event a frame in a strip of film.  Life is a Cinema. 

                As time goes by, the plot progresses, and our movies intertwine, frame by frame; we pass through, and in and out of each other’s films.  The people around you and the events in your life aren't the only things that influence your story, the tales and stories that move you and inspire you leave their individual imprints throughout your own. 

                Think back to the stories that you grew up with, think back to the tales that first taught you the difference between right and wrong.  Reflect on your beliefs (not necessarily religious, though that works too), the filters through which you view the world, and your thoughts in regards to life, the universe, and everything…  Chances are, those beliefs have their roots somewhere in the stories that you've heard, read, or watched. 

                Stories and everything they entail are how I choose to see the world.  Likewise, a film is a perfect way to give shape to these thoughts in my head… Now, I know that my mom reads this, and that she’s not going to be happy to hear this part, but this entire worldview is the basis for the next tattoo that I have been planning for myself for quite some time now. 

My mom's current reaction... 

                I know people have different viewpoints in regards to tattoos.  Some people can’t stand them and view the idea of putting something permanent on your body as a mistake.  Others get one or two little ones, while still others cover themselves in them for one reason or another.  Sometimes people will get them for the sake of the art, enjoying having stunning artwork on their body.  Others use them as symbols for greater aspects of themselves.  I think I fall in to that latter group.

                As we go through life, people, places, events, and ideas will leave indelible marks on our personas.  Whether you want to call it your heart, soul, or your mind, it changes, permanently, based upon the things that happen in your life.  That’s what I get my tattoos for, to represent those changes to me as a human in a very real and physical way… This cinematic addition is no different.

                I’m planning to get it on my right shoulder and upper arm, wrapping around however the artist sees fit (though it will preferably still be covered by a simple t-shirt).  As the film winds and twists around my arm, there will be different pictures in individual frames.  Each picture will represent one of the stories that has shaped or altered my worldview, the stories that have influenced my own. 

                You may have noticed that the title of this post has a “Part 1” at the end.  That’s because this particular post is only about the concept of the film, I’m not going to touch on the individual stories here.  Rather, I’ll write a series of posts, each one going in to depth about the story that has influenced that particular frame of my world view.  

So keep watch!  There will be more to come on this topic…

Levi's Bucket List

                Back in August of last year I wrote a blog about my dog, Levi, (Unconditional Inevitability) and the fact that he was aging.  I wrote it to show that I knew the end was approaching, no one lives forever.  I also wrote it for introspection and catharsis.  I didn't know how I would deal with the loss of such a dear friend, I figured that putting those questions down in to words and sharing them with all of you may help. 

                Well that time has come, and that blog post doesn't seem to have helped.  A couple weeks ago Levi was diagnosed with Thyroid cancer, and it appears to have moved to the lymph nodes near his heart.  The original tumor is in his throat (slightly smaller than a baseball), and has been causing him to have some trouble swallowing.  I wasn't able to get a true time table for how long he may yet have to live, but the time is coming. 

                As depressing as this news is to me, and as worried as I am about it, I’m doing my best to stay positive.  In an effort to keep my spirits up, along with Levi’s, I am setting up a Bucket List for him.  It’s going to include fancy dinners, at least one road trip, adventures, and anything else that I think he may enjoy.

                So far he has had one bucket list dinner; I made some Chicken Cordon Bleu for some friends and Levi got his own plate of it.  He has also gotten to participate in a movie night at a friend’s house.  I also plan to take him on a day trip to the coast, seeing as he loves car rides as well as water. 

                Other than that, I don’t have too much planned.  He deserves some more fancy dinners (perhaps some lobster…), and maybe desert (his own pint of Ben and Jerry’s?).  I had the idea of perhaps having an outdoor movie night this summer with some friends and their dogs with popcorn and traditional movie food for Levi (and everyone else).

                Still, if any of you can think of anything that would make a good Bucket List item for him, let me know!  Also, if you come over and you see him, or you see the two of us out and about, don’t be afraid to spoil the hell out of him; he’s been my best friend for 7 years and he deserves it.

Integrating a Segregated State of Being

Friends who have housewarming parties plus Teresa,  

            We’ve all heard that famous Outkast lyric, “birds of the same feather flock together…. Hooty hoo.” As a child of immigrants, I grew up in an area where 99% of the people did not talk, walk, or mic drop like me. Scared of the unknown, my parents told me that surrounding yourself with people of similar minds and lifestyles lead to a secure, comfortable, but fruitful life. I’m not sho* sure anymore. (*Not a typo)

            We live in a socially vexing period. Now more than any time in our history, human beings have the opportunity to fly to, read about, and digitally interact with a region or lifestyle they aren’t familiar with. Socrates, Einstein, Gandhi, and other men (and women) with a great thirst of tolerance, awareness, and knowledge would be jealous of the opportunities we all have to learn about topics we are unfamiliar with.

            But we choose not to. A Economist survey taken in January 2012, found Americans are more likely today, in the TV and Print era, to watch shows similar to there way of life and log on to news sites that slant the news to their political liking. More than any time in the past fifty years, Americans are more likely to live in neighborhoods, work, and socialize with people with similar socio economic status.  Both NYTimes Op-Ed columnist Nikolas Kristof and Daily Show correspondent Jessica Williams highlighted the fact that a majority of millenials (supposedly Uncle Sam’s most educated generation) would not consider dating or marrying someone with different political beliefs.  Take one look at the numbers of how often people under 35 end up with spouses from different religions and/or race and you’ll think it’s data from the early 60’s.

            This information begs us to ask four questions: How did we get so tribalistic, what’s the problem with a rapidly segregated society, how do we fix it, and why do white people ruin everything (Kidding, but I would like an answer to this question…. Chris).

            Racial divisions aside (and yes I know this is a big point to omit, but we’ll get back to this issue), we weren’t always solely hanging around creatures with similar features. In fact people flocked to metropolitan areas to explore, meet new people, and attempt to integrate other viewpoints into their lifestyle.

            Up until 1975, Presidential candidates from opposing parties would fly together and would hold joint town hall meetings.  The only country to continue this tradition these days is Bhutan!

            Today, if you stroll through all of San Francisco and surrounding Brooklyn you find predominantly homogeneous neighborhoods where the only eccentric aspect of the place is that vegan burrito joint that got funded on Kickstarter.  If you could jump into a time machine and visit these places in the 80’s you would’ve entered a new universe. San Francisco was once home to the Fillmore district, a historic Jazz borough composed of musicians from all backgrounds and the Haight, was an area mixed with African American, hippies, and Indian doctors at UCSF who hated hippies. Two decades ago, Brooklyn was the Mecca of the most diverse art scene in the world.  Graffiti artists from all walks of life would gather at midnight and literally paint the town red. Now, three of the newest restaurants in the area are artisan mayonnaise and olive oil shops (what the fuck).

            So how did this all change? Economist Thomas Schelling explains the increase in segregated attitudes and environments can largely be attributed to changes that occur during economic downturns. The former Columbia Professor argues that during recessions people move in with their families and friends back home.  This ultimately leads to a “nesting” period where people surround themselves with people like them, become comfortable, and have less of a yearning to leave their comfort zone and put in the effort to get acclimated to a new surrounding. It makes sense that current trends indicate millenials are less likely to leave their hometown than in the past forty years (unless it’s for Coachella).

            However, that doesn’t entirely explain the attitude shift. Yes, it’s true we are less likely to live in diverse areas (or away from poppa and momma), but we are even less likely to surround ourselves with people who have a different opinion. At the end of 2014, the unabashedly liberal UC Berkeley protested progressive comedian Bill Maher’s invitation to speak at graduation. All across America, campuses are trying to shoo off potential campus visitors who hold a slightly different take on their brand of politics.  Conservatives tried to develop a Facebook type platform just for conservatives…but didn’t know how to connect the cord for dial up Internet.

            I blame this completely on technology. The app generation has allowed us to customize a lifestyle where whatever we eat, see, shop, sleep, and interact is tailored to our exact desires.

            This is a problem. While this new surge in technology is making our life easier, it’s making us utterly stupid. In an October 2013 WIRED magazine poll, an alarming 32% of millenials believed that they had a harder life than those who had to live through the Great Depression. We’ve all seen countless hours of footage where people don’t know the leader of the free world (Hint: It’s not Beyonce….Chris). Compounding the matter, the plethora of news outlets tailored towards certain belief systems blinds us from getting a different perspective.          

            So what you say? Even if your colored shorts, boat shoes, and Warby Parker sunglasses allow you to only look at this issue at a financial angle you should be worried about your trust fund. Harvard business professor Clayton Christenson has studied innovation and financial ecosystems for thirty years. The money nerd argues that one of the keys to a successful innovative society is a place where different background and perspectives are shared, honest and brutal discussion take place, and there is an uncomfortable period motivating people to come up with better solutions. Historically, the bedrock of economic creative disruption has occurred in largely diverse and grungy metropolitan areas such as New York, London, Tel Aviv, and Mumbai.

            A lack of diversity also tends to create barriers from accepting much needed ideas. You may believe you are seeing a new movement of female empowerment. Granted, we are seeing more females in leadership positions such as Marissa Meyers, the CEO of Yahoo and Sheryl Sandberg of Facebook.  However, the NYTimes Dealbook columnist Andrew Ross Sorkin points out that there are a smaller percentage of females in leadership roles in this surging tech market than there were than the tech boom in the 90’s.

            The most alarming trend of this new flock together mentality is in the way we refuse to accept the truth. Kevin Hogan (no relationship to Hulk), author of “How to Persuade Others: The Psychology of Persuasion”, claims that in the past thirty years people are less likely to be moved by the facts.  His team has found that if one presents mountains of evidence to someone who is wrong about an issue, they will become MORE inclined to cling to their irrational belief. Even more worrisome, a March 2014 Gallop Poll survey found that 39% of Americans are more likely to lie or cover up for someone who has a similar background to help them get out of trouble.

            There is no doubt that we as humans have always been tribal spirits. But we have also been able to educate ourselves, adjust, and fix problems in our society. It’s certainly not easy to break habits, but there are things that can be done to become more aware of other lifestyles.  For starters, call out those in your own “tribe”. Far too often do we dismiss the uncouth actions of those in our corner, while aggressively chastising our opponents when they commit the same egregious act.  This is hypocritical and in the end does nothing to advance your cause. Being balanced whistle blowers gives us all a chance to be candid about our shortcomings and learn from them.

                Secondly, invite people with different background to events where they may be the minority or aren’t familiar with. This may be incredibly uncomfortable at first, but doing this pays huge dividends in the future.

            Maybe it was a cruel joke, but when I was a freshman in college I was assigned to live in the athlete’s dorm. For those of you living in a cave or were raised Mormon, you may not have guessed that 99% of my suite mates were black and church attendees. During the first semester, I rejected the offer to attend gospel church numerous times. A year later, I finally attended service and loved it.

            The most ironic thing you find when you step out of your comfort zone is how most people want the same thing.  The sermons at gospel church on education, strong families, building communities, and love, were all lessons you would probably hear at a Jewish synagogue, Hindu temple, or Baptist church in Alabama.  

            When I was faced with health issues and financial hardship, the conservative veterans I worked with in Nevada showed me the same compassion as my liberal comrades in Berkeley. Too often we forget, there is no liberal career quarter century crises, or Republican disease (aside from Sarah Palin), but a common desire to help others and leave the world a little better than we found it.

            So speak up and speak out often.  Changing a comfortable habit takes time, but the pragmatic optimist in me believes that if you voice your opinion, more people will be willing to listen than you think.

            But alas, I am no exception, and I should hold myself to the same standard.  So I will throw the first stone.  For as long as I remember, I have been unabashedly liberal. So much so, the only cheese I eat is blue. But I’ve become incredibly concerned about how progressives discuss diversity.  This blog is already too long and Chris just called me to criticize me about my Kama-sutra, 50 Shades certified, sex tactics. So stay tuned for my next post.  Or come join me at the next Gospel Choir Veteran Berkeley cheese tasting event.

Part 2 Coming soon…

50 Shades of Disappointment

Let’s talk about sex.  Valentine’s Day is today, and as everyone knows by now, Valentine’s Day is not really about romance.  Romance is spontaneous, intimate, and utterly devoid of heart shaped boxes full of chocolates.  No, Valentine’s Day isn't about romance, it's about being with someone you care about and making other people jealous.  It’s also about sex. 

If you would argue that Valentine’s Day is more “wholesome” than that, and it's about true love rather than sex, I would like to draw your attention to the massive amount of hype over the upcoming movie, “50 Shades of Buscemi Grey”.  No matter how much some people may think, 50 Shades is not about romance, it's purely about (poorly written) sex. 

Unsurprisingly, the books (and I'm sure the movie will follow suit) were massively popular, primarily among women.  If any of you guys reading this are scoffing and thinking it's silly that the books are so popular, I have news for you: You're likely part of the reason why. 

After a quick online search, you can find hundreds if not thousands of studies done in recent years showing that heterosexual women are, at an alarming rate, unsatisfied in the bedroom. 

Guys, most of the blame for this goes directly on your shoulders (ladies, part of the blame lies with you too, but more on that in a bit).  Due to this disappointment, women have resorted to relying on poor substitutes, such as 50 Shades.

Boys, sex isn't difficult; it really isn't.  And by “sex” I don’t mean the two step process of you, starting and then finishing… I mean both participants are out of breath and have big, dumb grins plastered on their faces.  You don’t have to get super fancy, and please don’t think that you need to use books like 50 Shades as a training manual, because you don't (please don't).  Start with the basics and build up from there as you gain confidence. 

So what is it?  What’s the secret to being worthwhile in the boudoir?  Well, I’m far from an expert, but I do feel like I’m at least qualified to give some basic tips; and in my experience it can be broken down to a few seemingly easy steps…  Also, keep in mind that just because I’m directing this primarily toward men, doesn't mean that you ladies shouldn't take heed as well; sometimes everyone needs to improve!

Step 1: Put in some effort! 

This is the basis for it all.  Don’t mail in your performance.  If all you do is lay there and expect your partner to do all the work for you, then where’s the excitement for them?  Where’s the motivation for them to do even better?  If you’re not going to put in any effort, why should they? 

Sex is just like anything else, you will not magically be good at it, and it isn't an effortless skill.  There will be days that you are at your best, and there will be other days that you just can't seem to do anything right.  But if you just lay there and expect to be good without really trying, then chances are you're awful in bed. 

Honestly though, if you are one of those people that believes you are inherently good in bed, and you don't need to give much effort, then I implore you to try changing that.  Try mixing it up and putting in some work the next few times.  I'd be willing to bet that your sex-life will improve when you do, because giving some effort makes it better for everyone involved, including yourself.

Step 2: Pay Attention…

While Step 1 may be the most important part of this lesson, don’t you dare ignore Step 2.  Paying attention during sex is a simple thing that is tragically overlooked.  Pay attention to what your partner enjoys and what they don't.  It sounds like a simple thing to do, but so many people don't.

There's a couple ways to go about this, the first being simple communication.  If you're not sure what your partner likes or what they don't, try asking them.  Sure, it may be awkward, but sex has so many potentially awkward moments in it anyway, that one more isn't going to hurt, it may even help matters.  A short, awkward conversation is certainly worth it if it improves your sex-life.

The second way to learn what your partner’s likes and dislikes are is to pay attention and notice their involuntary actions.  When you kiss her collarbone does her breath get faster and do her hands clench in to fists?  If so, do it some more.  If she pulls away, or simply doesn't react, then don’t do whatever you just did…  We're complicated beings, no one is ever 100% in control of their bodies, and we each have involuntary reactions and reflexes to the things happening to us or around us.  Pay attention to those reflexes!  They’re the best way to learn what to do and what not to do.

 Step 3: Expand your horizons.

For this step, I'll reference 50 Shades again; as you should know by now, it gets pretty heavy in to BDSM (not always in a responsible manner, but that's another story).  Now, I'm not saying that good sex has to involve whips and chains, not at all.  Everyone does have certain things that work for them though, certain kinks or curiosities.  Some are extreme, others are fairly tame. 

Don't be afraid to explore those things, if you find something that intrigues you, test it out (responsibly!), see if it's for you or not.  The worst that will typically happen is you'll find out that it's not something you're in to after all.  The best that can happen, well I guess that's up to you.

These steps are good advice for anyone, not only the underachievers out there.  If you have room to improve (hint: there's ALWAYS room to improve), then hopefully this will help you out a bit with that.  If you're having sex, then there’s no excuse for it to not, usually, be good.

That brings me to another point, not all sex you have is going to be great.  Sex is a learned skill.  No one is innately good at it, no matter what they think of themselves.  Likewise, sex between two particular people is an acquired skill.  Life isn't a movie, don’t expect magical fireworks to shoot off the very first time.  It will take a few times for you to learn each other's triggers and preferences. 

That's the exact reason that one night stands are usually so worthless.  That of course doesn't stop us from chasing that mythical one nighter that will rock our world.  Still, overwhelmingly, one night hookups are exceedingly mediocre.  However, everything has to start somewhere.

And since everything has to start somewhere, if a one night stand that you have seems to have potential for something better, give it a shot, see where it goes.  Which reminds me, ladies, you're not entirely blameless in this epidemic of female sexual frustration… It may not be your fault that the guy you're in bed with can’t finish the job, but don't encourage it.  

When I go to a restaurant and the food is terrible, I don't keep going to that restaurant.  It seems to be common sense, but if the sex is consistently bad, don't expect it to magically get better!  Either talk with your guy and try to encourage him to improve his game, or move on and find a guy that can please you.  At some point you are responsible for your own pleasure, so stop encouraging bad sex.  Think of it along the lines of natural selection, if everyone stops accepting bad sex, then in a few generations, there won't be such a thing, and we will have done the world a favor.

Bonus Tip: Passion!

Guys and gals, this goes for everyone (and for everything in life, not just sex), passion is never going to make something worse.  Passion doesn't need to be rough or soft, slow or fast, it just needs to be intense.  It should take the breath from your lungs and burn through your thoughts.  You can't really go wrong with passion, express it in the bedroom as well as in the rest of your life.

One last suggestion: Play safe.  Be responsible, don’t do something stupid that can’t be undone.  Life isn't a game and there are no do-overs, so be careful out there!  This goes not only for your physical well-being, but for your emotional state as well.  Sex complicates things, so use your head and try to avoid dumb decisions…